“Maybe its not about the happy ending maybe its about the story”

Gameday. I wake up go, for a light jog and stretch. Eat my usual oatmeal. Take a shower. Head to my usual coffee spot and take an espresso and it’s a moment of peace, a calm before the storm. I head to the locker room and I know ITS TIME!!!

TODAY is game day!! I have my usual routine and pre-game preparations but TODAY is different then other game days… TODAY will be my “last” game as a player at this level. I am retiring.

A message to a friend…

“... on the plane I drew a plan.. I really thought, "What do I want?" My chart became clear and I really see it. My mind felt clear and I was full of energy. I looked at my "Chart" and I decided I need to make a change. I need to take a step.. So I made a decision.  I have been this “player first and coach second” for so long. but now I am ready just to be a coach..

  Yesterday after training I met with my coach and I told him I need to stop playing.. I will "retire" so I can focus on what really drives me, what really makes me feel full…”

From my coach…

“I see your passion when you coach, everyone stops when you speak. I understand you. I would like you to play tomorrow. Tell the girls at practice Monday. Then have your last practice on Tuesday and make that the best practice you have ever had. Give everything you have so they see you leaving this “legacy” this “Career” on a high note and a high note to go for something bigger. Leave behind your standard!! Then play your “last” game on Sunday as a player and leave one final statement to the team and to yourself!”

The thoughts I wrote down after my last home game…

“Today was great. I felt good and enjoyed it. We won!!  My coach took me off and said “You know why?” I said “yes” He said “Enjoy watching what you brought.” I watched and then saw myself training on this field with some of the best players in the world, I saw myself playing with my team and the great wins/games we have had, I saw my team playing right in front of me. This field where I can say I played my last home game at a high level. I sat there and was trying not to cry, not of sadness but of happiness..  I am proud of what I have done and I am ready to take this next step. No one knows of this “retirement” and when the game was over everyone was already looking forward to the next game. This is my style. A quiet person that speaks loudly… Today I played my last home game for the right reasons. This game that has done so much for me.. The person that really mattered was myself. I did not play for anyone or anything else other than my team and myself.  I played my last home game for me, for my love of the game!

To my Team…

“My mind is very clear the clearest it has been in a long time. I started to write down what I want and I really see it. I want to be a champions league coach, a national team coach and change the way the world sees the game... I ended up drawing this whole plan and all the steps to get there.. I feel full even talking about it. My heart is here... I am deciding to retire as a player and focus on where my heart is.. Really give this 100% this vision and dream.

Last year with I lost myself as a player and thought that was it for me.  My time was done.. All my joy as a player was lost then I came back here to Tyreso and my joy multiplied and I fell in love with this great game again as a player. I started playing again for the right reasons. Now I still have this joy and my biggest joy as a player is playing with you guys and just being around you guys!!!

 I see my new vision so clearly and I have opportunities to travel and learn from different clubs all over Europe. Maybe something will come out of it I don't know. I can possibly go to England to get my next License. I feel I really need to take this in full heartedly now. This really drives me. It scares me because honestly I have no idea what can happen. Nothing could happen or anything can happen. I feel like I am "jumping" and have no idea if there is a place to land… but I am ready to take this jump. If I fall I will climb up and jump again!

The team we have is great and I know u will reach this goal and make it up to D1 this year. I believe that with everything I have!! I will practice today and then have my last practice tomorrow and play my last game Sunday.

The "player" side of me has been such a big part of my life for so long.. You have no idea how much you all mean to me and I am so happy to call my "last" team as a true player with you all!!! I couldn't ask it in any better way!!!”

“Because that is what people do.. They leap and they hope to God they can fly”

After this talk I felt so right.. I was on the field all day but I was not tired..  When I am on the right path things feel light, things feel easy. I get this feeling when I know I am doing the right thing. “Every journey begins with a first step” I have taken many steps but now I took my “new first step” and full heartedly decided this is what I am going to do. This is what I want. I see the way and will be the best coach the world has seen!

 I will play my last game at a “high” level today with a team I love. Thank you to all my current and former teammates, my current and former coaches, colleagues, my friends and most importantly my family for all the support, experiences, and everything you have taught me.  Thank you for sharing this amazing journey and being apart of this amazing story that has a lot more to be written.   Today I play not only for myself but also for you all!!

"If you wake up in the mornin'and you can't think of anything but singin' first...then you're supposed to be a singer girl" Sister Act 2

"I know you want to sing. See. I love to sing. Nothing makes me happier. I either wanted to be a singeror the head of the Ice Capades.

Hey. Do you know who the Ice Capades are? Don't roll your eyes. They were very cool. I went to my mother. who gave me this book...called Letters To A Young Poet.

Rainer Maria Rilke. He's a fabulous writer.

A fellow used to write to him and say:

"I want to be a writer.Please read my stuff."

And Rilke says to this guy:"Don't ask me about being a writer. lf When you wake up in the morning. you can think of nothing but writing...then you're a writer."

I'm gonna say the same thing to you.

If you wake up in the mornin'and you can't think of anything but singin' first...then you're supposed to be

a singer. Girl.

What's the point of your story. Sister?

 What's the point?

Read the book." Sister Act 2

What is the difference between being great, striving for excellence and just average.. What is average? It is actually ok to be average… But if you want to achieve greatness what makes someone special or something great?  Not everyone strives for greatness because there is also a risk; a risk of failure. Is there madness in working so hard day in and day out for a dream that could never be?  Giving everything for success that is not guaranteed?  It is those who take that risk that almost seem 'crazy' to others.  I have been told I was 'crazy' so many times.. ("You train to much" "You work to hard" "With your condition this is near to impossible…")

It takes courage to take the ‘risk’  From everything I have been through I learned that when it comes to your dreams you should always take the risk and give it all you have.  There is a risk of failure but I know the biggest failure is not going for it because if you don’t go for it you have already failed!! Dreaming is living and living is dreaming!! Take that chance.

For me, it is the details that make such a big difference.  It is the small details that create the difference between just average and greatness; not just in soccer but in everything in life.

Some of my session are so simple but the "details" are the focus. For example: the individual pieces of a simple ‘1-2/give and go’ make this small combination a complete masterpiece.  It is a chess game of unlimited possibilities of finding the right puzzle pieces and problem solving.  It does not matter if you are a national team player or a youth player, the details are important!!

I am very detailed in everything I do. I have many sayings when I coach.. Some I have developed from people I admire and some I have no idea how I come up with them.

“happy feet”

“make each other  look good”

“play the best foot”

“Diamonds are forever”

“Doris”

“find the connection”

“winners go high”
"help your teammate up"

“ONE Tyreso ONE TEAM!”

After a training with my team we were standing in a ring and one of my teammates was sitting down while everyone else was standing.  Our captain says to everyone "look at her" Then another teammate looks at me while helping her up and says in english "Help your teammate up" All I could do was smile!

After every session I have in Tyreso I bring them together I say “Winners go high. We are ONE Tyreso. One TEAM!!”

I had a theory session with the junior team before my game. They wanted me to run the theory and told me they would give me a ride to the game so I could do both. The game was 20 minutes away.  I thanked my fellow coach for the ride and he looked at me and said “ Of course!! ONE TEAM, ONE TYRESO. Winners go high, just like you say.. Good luck!!” After hearing that I was full of energy and ready to play!

In our game yesterday we had some players that were injured and sick so my coach asked some of the players that I have trained if they could stay for the game.  They came in, in the second half and they “found the connections” and make “everyone look good” around them.  While playing I was admiring their play and so proud of them!! After the game I told them how great it was to actually “play” with them and with their bright wide eyes that were full of excitement said “No it was our pleasure.” It did not matter that they were on the younger team we are “ONE TEAM”

I love this clip in sister act 2!! What she says its true!! Whatever drives you.. Whatever your dream is. Whatever you think about when you first wake up in the morning.. Have the courage and go for it!!!!