“Maybe its not about the happy ending maybe its about the story”

Gameday. I wake up go, for a light jog and stretch. Eat my usual oatmeal. Take a shower. Head to my usual coffee spot and take an espresso and it’s a moment of peace, a calm before the storm. I head to the locker room and I know ITS TIME!!!

TODAY is game day!! I have my usual routine and pre-game preparations but TODAY is different then other game days… TODAY will be my “last” game as a player at this level. I am retiring.

A message to a friend…

“... on the plane I drew a plan.. I really thought, "What do I want?" My chart became clear and I really see it. My mind felt clear and I was full of energy. I looked at my "Chart" and I decided I need to make a change. I need to take a step.. So I made a decision.  I have been this “player first and coach second” for so long. but now I am ready just to be a coach..

  Yesterday after training I met with my coach and I told him I need to stop playing.. I will "retire" so I can focus on what really drives me, what really makes me feel full…”

From my coach…

“I see your passion when you coach, everyone stops when you speak. I understand you. I would like you to play tomorrow. Tell the girls at practice Monday. Then have your last practice on Tuesday and make that the best practice you have ever had. Give everything you have so they see you leaving this “legacy” this “Career” on a high note and a high note to go for something bigger. Leave behind your standard!! Then play your “last” game on Sunday as a player and leave one final statement to the team and to yourself!”

The thoughts I wrote down after my last home game…

“Today was great. I felt good and enjoyed it. We won!!  My coach took me off and said “You know why?” I said “yes” He said “Enjoy watching what you brought.” I watched and then saw myself training on this field with some of the best players in the world, I saw myself playing with my team and the great wins/games we have had, I saw my team playing right in front of me. This field where I can say I played my last home game at a high level. I sat there and was trying not to cry, not of sadness but of happiness..  I am proud of what I have done and I am ready to take this next step. No one knows of this “retirement” and when the game was over everyone was already looking forward to the next game. This is my style. A quiet person that speaks loudly… Today I played my last home game for the right reasons. This game that has done so much for me.. The person that really mattered was myself. I did not play for anyone or anything else other than my team and myself.  I played my last home game for me, for my love of the game!

To my Team…

“My mind is very clear the clearest it has been in a long time. I started to write down what I want and I really see it. I want to be a champions league coach, a national team coach and change the way the world sees the game... I ended up drawing this whole plan and all the steps to get there.. I feel full even talking about it. My heart is here... I am deciding to retire as a player and focus on where my heart is.. Really give this 100% this vision and dream.

Last year with I lost myself as a player and thought that was it for me.  My time was done.. All my joy as a player was lost then I came back here to Tyreso and my joy multiplied and I fell in love with this great game again as a player. I started playing again for the right reasons. Now I still have this joy and my biggest joy as a player is playing with you guys and just being around you guys!!!

 I see my new vision so clearly and I have opportunities to travel and learn from different clubs all over Europe. Maybe something will come out of it I don't know. I can possibly go to England to get my next License. I feel I really need to take this in full heartedly now. This really drives me. It scares me because honestly I have no idea what can happen. Nothing could happen or anything can happen. I feel like I am "jumping" and have no idea if there is a place to land… but I am ready to take this jump. If I fall I will climb up and jump again!

The team we have is great and I know u will reach this goal and make it up to D1 this year. I believe that with everything I have!! I will practice today and then have my last practice tomorrow and play my last game Sunday.

The "player" side of me has been such a big part of my life for so long.. You have no idea how much you all mean to me and I am so happy to call my "last" team as a true player with you all!!! I couldn't ask it in any better way!!!”

“Because that is what people do.. They leap and they hope to God they can fly”

After this talk I felt so right.. I was on the field all day but I was not tired..  When I am on the right path things feel light, things feel easy. I get this feeling when I know I am doing the right thing. “Every journey begins with a first step” I have taken many steps but now I took my “new first step” and full heartedly decided this is what I am going to do. This is what I want. I see the way and will be the best coach the world has seen!

 I will play my last game at a “high” level today with a team I love. Thank you to all my current and former teammates, my current and former coaches, colleagues, my friends and most importantly my family for all the support, experiences, and everything you have taught me.  Thank you for sharing this amazing journey and being apart of this amazing story that has a lot more to be written.   Today I play not only for myself but also for you all!!