The Choice to Live

I remember my recruiting trip to Florida Southern so clearly. I met my first two Swedes; Linda Hoglund and Anna-Sara Sedin.  They were a big reason why I choose to go to Florida Southern.

The next year Anna-Sara was not at the school; all I heard was that she was in Chicago. I found out that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer in 2008… and past away January 7th 2012… The same day as Meghan… I still don't understand why and my heart will always be heavy on this day.. 

I met Anna-Sara quite a few times during my years at Florida Southern and I am so honored for the very short amount of time we had together... some of our conversations are ones I will never forget… She knew what life was really about.. 

 “F.E.A.R

Forget Everything And Run

OR

FACE EVERYTHING AND RISE”

In anything in life, it is about making the choice… Making the choice to be the best, making the decision to do whatever it takes no matter what happens or what others say... Letting go. EXCELLENCE IS A CHOICE… A DECISION.

When Anna Sara was diagnosed with Lung Cancer she did not have much time… She decided ok then I will travel, really live! She made the choice to let go and truly live!!

Anna Sara comes from a small place near Sundsvall. My first year in Sweden I played against her old team in the Swedish cup. I contacted her brother and he came to the game!!

 The day before the game, my team was saying “They are one division higher… They are one of the top teams. We are just division two. We are going to lose but at least we get good food...”

This made me angrier and angrier... They have already made the choice to lose before even stepping on the field!!  They already made the choice to be lower than what they could be…  That is a disgrace… Those thoughts… That is an excuse. That is FEAR…. THAT IS RUNNING.

Why do anything if you are going into it like you are going to fail??? I wrote to the team that night about my thoughts and everything changed… They made the choice to strive for excellence. 

We came to this game focused. We did not win, but the fight my team had was more than anything I could ask for... All we could do at the end of the game was shake their hands because we gave them everything we had and we did not stop until that final whistle blew! I was so proud to be apart of IFK Gavle on this day!! I met her brother after and we were both crying...

Now I am on my way back to Sundsvall… This time as a head coach in the Elitettan. The youngest coach, girl, blah blah... So much has happened.  We have had a rough start, lots of talk, adversity, etc. Every player is capable of so much more than they think but it is a choice you have to make and it is a great choice if you really take it. I told my team before the game that we have to make the CHOICE  and make the choice TOGETHER! WE HAVE TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO PLAY LIKE WINNERS, TO WIN, TO BE EXCELLENT. TO DREAM!!!  Lets dream together!! Lets make that choice together, to FACE EVERYTHING AND RISE.

Anna Sara did not have much time, but she decided to make her last time (which turned into years) the most worthy she could. She let go and lived longer than expected... So now we have a choice... A choice to play , a choice to strive for excellence, a chance to enjoy. Let's be like Anna Sara by letting go and making THE CHOICE TO LIVE!!"

 

 

"Play it Safe and be good or take the chance and be GREAT!!!"

I take a walk and my mind wanders…

2006

My first game back after my last surgery was at an indoor tournament at my club’s facility. I had not played one minute in a year.. Now, we are in the final and go to Penalty kicks..

 In my club if you want to penalty you take it!!! You have to have the courage and be willing to take the responsibility to win or lose the game... Only those who want it get it! It was important in my club; COURAGE…

 My assistant coach asks, "who wants the first PK?" I raise my hand along with everyone else and he laughs and says, "haha Jackie nice try" he picks someone else...

Then asks again for the second, third, forth and I raised my hand along with everyone else getting the same response, "haha Jackie come on"

Then on the 5th when he asked no one on my team raised their hand... Only me ... And because of this "rule" he got frustrated and said, "come on someone needs to take the 5th kick... You all raised your hand before!!!!" 

Everyone said,” Let Jackie take it... “

He asked the head coach and he said "she the only one?"

He said, “yes!!:”

"Let her take it"

It went down to my shot. If I made it we won... I have not played in a year and my debut with this team is in this final taking the "winning" penalty…

I walk there and my heart is racing but I am also calm. I am nervous and excited… Ready... I put the ball down and as I approach I see the goalkeeper move early so I chip the ball and while she is on the ground the ball slowly bounces in the goal and we win the tournament!!!! My team rushes to me!!

I think of that feeling and I have the same feeling now… I'm stepping up to the penalty stop with that feeling of nervousness as well as excitement.. Outside of my comfort zone but also ready! I feel this sense of freedom to bring my dream to life, my vision to life!! I am walking to the line and I am ready to take the shot!! Ready to take that responsibility to win!! Ready to score!!

"Play it safe and be good or take the chance and be great…” I want to take the chance I want to be great!!!

My mind wanders again….

November 2016

My friend Lollo Schillgard is now playing for the Boston Breakers!!!! We were training on a field near her apartment in Stockholm. I creating an exercise where she is working on driving the ball from the flank to the inside searching for different spaces to create a shot… I added pressure as a defender and it got really intense!! All of the sudden out of no where we started going 1v1; total street at 8am on a small field in the middle of the city…

She went around me with this sick move (I must say), I grab her shirt as she comes around me, pulling her down, she shoots and scores this insane goal; upper 90.. I fell to the ground with complete exhaustion. She goes to her knees in celebration with complete joy, fists pumping and yelling like she won the World Cup…

We got completely taken away!! Besides the “shame” I felt of her beating me (haha) seeing that joy, that passion, that moment was better than any high I could ask for..

I help her up and in my mind I see her scoring this amazing goal and me celebrating as a coach in a stadium in from of 90,000 people… I hear the crowd, see myself screaming in celebration doing the unthinkable… I see it so clearly my heart is racing… I also see Lollo  running and falling to her knees again after scoring that magical goal.. "Winning the hearts of the mob" 

 Two dreams.. One as a coach, one as a player… The same passion… The same magic… My mind comes back to reality and we are in a small part of the city, in a fenced in field and we are training like it is a World Cup Final!!! That spark, those magically moments, that is what it is about that is what I am after!!

I think of everything now and the dreams I have had and have and its like ive “seen it before” I have lived the situation before, rehearsing this great performance in my mind over and over again… Finding keys… Then all the sudden the vision you see, this dream you have becomes a reality. The dream comes to life!! I truly believe if you see it you become it and I see it so clearly!!!

"The vision that you glorify in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in your heart - this you will build your life by, and this you will become." 

"The heart has eyes the brain knows nothing of"

I want to create something so great that you cant take your eyes off it, so great it makes you disappear… Where you are lost in the awe of the moment; Magic…